her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize