i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
NoShamevember. You game?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
