apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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