only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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