he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
