Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
