Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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