shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
