I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
