do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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