there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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