Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
