Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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