3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize