thus making me awesome and them whores
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
