Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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