you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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