She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
