I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
