I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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