Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
