just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
