I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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