thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
