Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
