He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
