the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
