Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
