Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
