I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
