If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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