I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
