I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
