John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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