So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
