Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
