just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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