god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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