I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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