you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just invented taco cereal.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
