Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
