U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Is Oprah even human
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
