I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
