i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
someone owes me an orgasm
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
