i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
