i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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