haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
