that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
