Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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