I am puke
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
