Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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