you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
