Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
