Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
