You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.