nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.