Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome