We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!