I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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