Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize