he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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