I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
