dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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