I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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