I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
