I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
