just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
