Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
