the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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