i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
