Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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