I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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