I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
