I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
