Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize